Day 119: Remove unnecessary words by emphasizing the actor.

To write clearly and concisely, you want to use the main actor (i.e., rhetorical subject) as the main subject. This lets you remove unnecessary, but common, phrases at the beginning of sentences. Consider this sentence.

“One way that writers make readers confused is by using unfamiliar words.”

In this sentence, the subject is “way.” However, the main actor (rhetorical subject) doing the main action (“confuse”) is “writer.” Writers are doing the action being described by this sentence, so “writers” should be the subject. When we use “writers,” we get the following possible revision.

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“Writers make readers confused by using unfamiliar words.”

This gets rid of the unnecessary phrase “one way that” and places the emphasis on the actor: “writers.” We can further revise this by changing the adjective “confused” back into a verb:

“Writers confuse readers by using unfamiliar words.”

We can revise this even further by asking, “What confuses readers?” This gives us our final revision:

“Unfamiliar words confuse readers.”