Day 43: Keep descriptive phrases close to the thing being described.

When a reader encounters a descriptive phrase, he or she will assume that the phrase is describing the closest preceding thing. Consider this sentence.

“The man following the dog with the big nose walked down the street.”

This sentence seems to say that the dog has the big nose, but, actually, it is the man who has the big nose. However, the descriptive phrase “with the big nose” immediately follows “dog,” so this confusion is understandable. “Dog” is the closest preceding thing.

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To help the reader understand what a phrase is describing, place the phrase as closely as possible after the thing being described. Using this tip, we get the following revision.

“The man with the big nose following the dog walked down the street.”

This is still cumbersome, but the big nose is now on the man.

Here’s another example of this.

“The presidential advisors with their phones on the plane discussed the new policy recommendations.”

In this sentence, the phones are on the plane, but we don’t know where the advisors are. If the advisors are on the plane, and they have their phones with them, the sentence will be clearer as follows.

“The presidential advisors on the plane with their phones discussed the new policy recommendations.”