10. TO LOVE AND LAUGH AGAIN

getting married increased average happiness only: Richard E. Lucas, Andrew E. Clark, Yannis Georgellis, and Ed Diener, “Reexamining Adaptation and the Set Point Model of Happiness: Reactions to Changes in Marital Status,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 84 (2003): 527–39. Meanwhile, couples who ended up divorcing were already becoming less happy as the wedding approached and their happiness climbed after the divorce.

people who choose to be single: Richard E. Lucas and Portia S. Dyrenforth, “The Myth of Marital Bliss?” Psychological Inquiry 16 (2005): 111–15; Maike Luhmann, Wilhelm Hofmann, Michael Eid, and Richard E. Lucas, “Subjective Well-Being and Adaptation to Life Events: A Meta-Analysis,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 102 (2012): 592–615.

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“Singles are stereotyped”: Bella DePaulo, Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2006).

“Blame me if you like”: Aaron Ben-Zeév, “Love After Death: The Widows’ Romantic Predicaments,” The Center for Behavioral Health, April 12, 2012: www.njpsychologist.com/blog/love-after-death-the-widows-romantic-predicaments/.

after a partner dies, men are more likely: Deborah Carr, “The Desire to Date and Remarry Among Older Widows and Widowers,” Journal of Marriage and Family 66 (2004): 1051–68; Danielle S. Schneider, Paul A. Sledge, Stephen R. Schuchter, and Sidney Zisook, “Dating and Remarriage over the First Two Years of Widowhood,” Annals of Clinical Psychiatry 8 (1996): 51–57; Karin Wolff and Camille B. Wortman, “Psychological Consequences of Spousal Loss Among Older Adults,” in Spousal Bereavement in Late Life, ed. Deborah S. Carr, Randolph M. Nesse, and Camille B. Wortman (New York: Springer, 2005).

In some parts of India: Nilanjana Bhowmick, “If You’re an Indian Widow, Your Children Could Kick You Out and Take Everything,” Time, October 7, 2013: http://world.time.com/2013/10/07/if-youre-an-indian-widow-your-children-could-kick-you-out-and-take-everything/.

In some Nigerian villages: Osai Ojigho, “Scrape Her Head and Lay Her Bare: Widowhood Practices and Culture,” Gender Across Borders, October 28, 2011: www.genderacrossborders.com/2011/10/28/scrape-her-head-and-lay-her-bare-widowhood-practices-and-culture/.

Discrimination against widows has been observed: Haider Rizvi, “RIGHTS: Mistreatment of Widows a Poorly Kept Secret,” IPS, June 23, 2008: www.ipsnews.net/2008/06/rights-mistreatment-of-widows-a-poorly-kept-secret/.

In many countries, widows have difficulty: Mary Kimani, “Women Struggle to Secure Land Rights,” Africa Renewal, April 2008: www.un.org/africarenewal/magazine/april-2008/women-struggle-secure-land-rights; UN Women, “Empowering Widows: An Overview of Policies and Programs in India, Nepal and Sri Lanka,” accessed on December 15, 2016: www2.unwomen.org/~/media/field%20office%20eseasia/docs/publications/2015/09/final_empowering%20widows_report%202014.pdf?v=1&d=20150908T104700.

a blog by author Abel Keogh: www.abelkeogh.com/blog.

Brain scans of people in love: See Arthur Aron, Helen Fisher, Debra J. Mashek, et al., “Reward, Motivation, and Emotion Systems Associated with Early-Stage Intense Romantic Love,” Journal of Neurophysiology 94 (2005): 327–37; Helen Fisher, Arthur Aron, and Lucy L. Brown, “Romantic Love: An fMRI Study of a Neural Mechanism for Mate Choice,” The Journal of Comparative Neurology 493 (2005): 58–62.

After we fall in love: Arthur Aron, Meg Paris, and Elaine N. Aron, “Falling in Love: Prospective Studies of Self-Concept Change,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 69 (1995): 1102–12; Elaine N. Aron and Arthur Aron, “Love and the Expansion of the Self: The State of the Model,” Personal Relationships 3 (1996): 45–58.

Surgery patients who watch comedies: James Rotton and Mark Shats, “Effects of State Humor, Expectancies, and Choice on Postsurgical Mood and Self-Medication: A Field Experiment,” Journal of Applied Social Psychology 26 (1996): 1775–94. This was the case when they had learned about health benefits of humor and got to choose their film.

Soldiers who make jokes: Smadar Bizi, Giora Keinan, and Benjamin Beit-Hallahmi, “Humor and Coping with Stress: A Test Under Real-Life Conditions,” Personality and Individual Differences 9 (1988): 951–56.

People who laugh naturally: Dacher Keltner and George A. Bonanno, “A Study of Laughter and Dissociation: Distinct Correlates of Laughter and Smiling During Bereavement,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 73 (1997): 687–702.

Couples who laugh together: John Mordechai Gottman and Robert Wayne Levenson, “The Timing of Divorce: Predicting When a Couple Will Divorce over a 14-Year Period,” Journal of Marriage and Family 62 (2000): 737–45.

humor lowers our heart rate: Michelle Gayle Newman and Arthur A. Stone, “Does Humor Moderate the Effects of Experimentally-Induced Stress?” Annals of Behavioral Medicine 18 (1996): 101–9.

“if you can reduce them to ridicule”: Mel Brooks, quoted in Forrest Wickman, “Watch the New Documentary About Mel Brooks,” Slate, May 28, 2013: www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2013/05/28/_mel_brooks_make_a_noise_the_pbs_american_masters_documentary_is_now_available.html.

Jokes are common at funerals: Blake E. Ashforth and Glen E. Kreiner, “ ‘How Can You Do It?’ Dirty Work and the Challenge of Constructing a Positive Identity,” Academy of Management Review 24 (1999): 413–34.

“He’s not lost”: “Tragicomedia with Comic Janice Messitte on Being a Newly Wedded Widow,” Art for Your Sake, March 20, 2014: http://artforyoursake.com/tragicomedia-with-comic-janice-messitte-on-being-a-newly-wedded-widow/.

“Death ends a life”: Robert Woodruff Anderson, I Never Sang for My Father (New York: Random House, 1968).

when people are falling in love: Anita L. Vangelisti and Daniel Perlman, eds., The Cambridge Handbook of Personal Relationships (New York: Cambridge University Press, 2006).

130 newlyweds were invited: John M. Gottman, James Coan, Sybil Carrere, and Catherine Swanson, “Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions,” Journal of Marriage and Family 60 (1998): 5–22; John Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (New York: Three Rivers Press, 2000).

defines a resilient relationship: Jane E. Dutton and Emily Heaphy, “The Power of High-Quality Connections,” in Positive Organizational Scholarship: Foundations of a New Discipline, ed. Kim S. Cameron, Jane E. Dutton, and Robert E. Quinn (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2003).

couples often find that the sparks fade: Arthur Aron, Christina C. Norman, Elaine N. Aron, et al., “Couples’ Shared Participation in Novel and Arousing Activities and Experienced Relationship Quality,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 78 (2000): 273–84.

In the couples whose marriages lasted: John M. Gottman, Janice Driver, and Amber Tabares, “Repair During Marital Conflict in Newlyweds: How Couples Move from Attack-Defend to Collaboration,” Journal of Family Psychotherapy 26 (2015): 85–108.

Just three journal entries of seven minutes each: Eli J. Finkel, Erica B. Slotter, Laura B. Luchies, et al., “A Brief Intervention to Promote Conflict Reappraisal Preserves Marital Quality over Time,” Psychological Science 24 (2013): 1595–601.

“I won’t make your skin crawl”: Allen Rucker, The Best Seat in the House: How I Woke Up One Tuesday and Was Paralyzed for Life (New York: HarperCollins, 2007).