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It’s a buffet?” I asked my wife Eleanor, about a Sunday brunch we were going to with her parents.
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“Yes,” she answered, a worried look on her face. “You gonna be okay?”
“Sure,” I said smiling. “I love buffets.”
“I know,” she said, looking even more worried.
Sure enough, a few hours later, I was completely stuffed. Couldn’t possibly have fit another thing in me. And yet, somehow, I managed to go back for a little more dessert.
Here’s my problem with buffets: so many choices. And all for one price. It’s a killer combination.
I happen to love variety and the opportunity to taste all the different dishes. So I get a little of everything. But a little of everything adds up to a lot. And I leave the buffet uncomfortable, exhausted, and regretting it.
Yet somehow, even though I know better, I do it every time.
This buffet challenge is the same challenge we face when managing our time. Because there’s so much to do—so many interesting people, enjoyable activities, worthwhile causes, compelling opportunities—it’s hard to choose. So we don’t. We try to do it all.
The problem with most time management systems is that they don’t help solve the problem: They’re focused on how to get it all done in less time. But that’s a mistake. Just like tasting from a buffet is a mistake. Because we can’t possibly get it all done and not end up frantic, depleted, and overwhelmed.
The secret to surviving a buffet is to eat fewer things. And the secret to thriving in your life is the same: Do fewer things.
Which means you have to be strategic about what you choose to do, and make hard decisions about what you choose not to do.
So let’s get concrete here. How many things should we focus on? After a tremendous amount of trial and error—mostly error—I’ve come to the number five.
I’ve decided to focus my year on five things. Three work-related, two personal. (Almost) everything I do must fit in one of these five areas. If it doesn’t, then I politely decline.
Why five? Because for me, it seems to work. It covers the most important things that need to get done, and it’s not overwhelming. It’s enough. On the other hand, you may come up with three. Or seven. And if that works for you, then go with it. You’ll know if it works for you because you’ll feel accomplished in each of the categories without getting confused, feeling overwhelmed, or dropping balls.
Why a year? Because a lifetime is too much and a month is too little. A year is the right-size chunk for our long-term focus. We think in terms of years—schools, birthdays, religious and secular holiday cycles, salaries, bonuses, and performance reviews all operate within the framework of a year—and a year provides us with the perfect amount of time in which to make real progress in our lives without getting lost.
So what should your five (or so) things be? That depends on your life. Here are mine:
Business
Do Great Work with Current Clients
Attract Future Clients
Write and Speak About My Ideas
Personal
Be Present with Family and Friends
Have Fun and Take Care of Myself
Most of these are not clearly measurable. That’s okay. They’re not goals. Not everything has to be a goal. They’re areas of focus. They’re where you want to spend your time. If you want, you could create specific goals in each category.
Your list will be different because you’re different. What’s important is that you intentionally create the list. What are the five things you want to focus on over the next year? They should be substantial things, so when you spend your time on them, you’ll get to the end of the year and know it was time well spent.
In other words, step up to the buffet with a plate that has enough room for five different foods and no more. Since you’re selecting only five, make sure they are nourishing and tasty.
What’s the time equivalent of nourishing and tasty? Make sure that your list leverages your strengths, embraces your weaknesses, asserts your differences, and reflects your passions. It’s also important that it includes opportunities to be challenged, opportunities to work with others, and opportunities to be recognized.
Once you’ve made sure your five (or so) areas of focus reflect those elements, then make tough decisions about what doesn’t fit on your plate.
I decided to step down from the board of an organization, though I found it very worthwhile, because it took a considerable amount of time and didn’t clearly fit in my five. Still, contributing to the community is important to me. So now I do service work with my family. It’s part of the category Be Present with Family and Friends.
When you decide on your five, commit to spending 95 percent of your time there. The other 5 percent is miscellaneous. Maybe a project on your colleague Jane’s top five doesn’t make your top five, but she needs your help. Maybe you need to take the car in for an oil change. Maybe you need to read all the reviews about the iPad (and then wait in line to buy one). Those are all fine uses of your 5 percent. But if it becomes 20 percent, it means you’re spending too much time on other people’s priorities, your frivolity, and life maintenance, and not enough time on your own priorities.
Sometimes you’ll be faced with conflicts between your categories. I faced that conflict when I was asked to speak at a TEDx conference in Mexico. I think TED and TEDx conferences are fantastic. And my speaking there clearly fit into my priority of Write and Speak About My Ideas. But the date conflicted with a party celebrating Eleanor’s fortieth birthday and her father’s seventieth. It was tempting, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t consider it. But ultimately I declined the conference.
There’s no formula for deciding how to prioritize within the five. But when a conflict arises, think about it, and most of the time you’ll know what to do. If you don’t, here’s a way to decide: Think about where you’ve been spending most of your time lately. If one of the five has been getting the short end of the stick, then choose in favor of that one to balance it out.
And if you still can’t decide? Then pick either—at least you’ll know they’re both worthwhile choices because they’re both in your five.
Last week was the first time in many months that I went to a buffet. I walked up to the line with a little trepidation and a lot of resolve. I felt a little sad, a little conflicted, as I passed up so many good-looking dishes. It wasn’t easy. It took self-control. But I stuck to one plate, five different choices.
And for the first time I left a buffet feeling good.
Focus your year on the five areas that will make the most difference in your life.
