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ACT ONE, SCENE THIRTEEN
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ST. OSWALD’S HOME FOR OLD WITCHES AND WIZARDS
This is chaos. This is magic. This is St. Oswald’s Home for Old Witches and Wizards and it is as wonderful as you might hope.
Walker frames are conjured into life, knitting wool is enchanted into chaos, and male nurses are made to dance tango.
These are people relieved of the burden of having to do magic for a reason — instead these witches and wizards do magic for fun. And what fun they have.
ALBUS and SCORPIUS enter, looking around themselves, amused, and let’s face it, slightly scared.
ALBUS and SCORPIUS: Um, excuse me . . . Excuse me. EXCUSE ME!
SCORPIUS: Okay, so this place is wild.
ALBUS: We’re looking for Amos Diggory.
There is suddenly total silence. Everything is instantly still. And slightly depressed.
WOOL WOMAN: And what you boys want with that miserable old sod?
DELPHI appears with a smile.
DELPHI: Albus? Albus! You came? How wonderful! Come and say hello to Amos!
